Job/Career Grief and Loss

Grief and loss are not exclusive to death-related experiences. Grief can result from job loss, loss of purpose, loss of hope, and a variety of other things. In my work, the focus is in engaging with the grief process, regardless of what was lost. Two important, scientifically backed processes are ones I return to again and again: (1) the dual-process model of grief, and (2) continuing bonds.

The dual-process model is about the importance of making time for both emotional and practical parts of grief, while also attending to the hopeful future. We call these “loss-oriented tasks” on the one hand, and “restoration-oriented tasks” on the other. Loss-oriented tasks include feeling all those tough emotions that come with grieving (sadness, anger, fear, loneliness), talking about and remembering the loss, and avoiding the practical. Restoration-oriented tasks include the practical parts of moving forward, making plans, finding new joys, and avoiding the grief. We cannot focus on completing one set of tasks before doing the other. In fact, the oscillation is an important part of integrating grief.

Continuing bonds is about creating rituals of connection, whether that connection is physical, like an object, or a sense of learning or accomplishment. The goal is not to completely forget what was lost, but to be able to return to the memory and move away at various times.

The recent blows to the work-force both within and connected to government work has been astounding. For many, these jobs and careers provided not only money but a sense of worth and value. Our jobs are often where we put purpose, and how we make social connections. Losing a job can come with all of these secondary losses, and more. Taking time to recognize what was lost, to feel angry, sad, fearful, and nostalgic, is an important part of the process of moving forward. It is just as important as lining up interviews and reassessing your budget. If what I know about grief is true, you can either make time to do the feeling part or the feelings will make time for themselves.